How soon we forget...

I almost forgot I had this blog. I find myself venting when I write though and where is the fun in that? Then again it is much better than being the angry immature boy I was.
I see lately that I find the precepts and ideas of Buddhism are fitting into my life. I think I need to commit myself to more than just myself. I feel so selfish and because of that as if I am hurting the world more than assisting it.
I have so much already...I have a roof over my head. I have a good job...I obviously do not starve. Running water, electricity, computers and entertainment. I have an over abundance of things. Yet I am alone. I have "friends" but nothing resembling a close friendship. There is very little affection in my life. However I think what I desire is treating the world as if it were my child and my responsibility.
I may never have children...I am a slightly overweight and fairly plain and boring 38 year old man. I have not had a serious relationship last more than 2 years. Chances are I will not have children.
So I want to give my love and nurturing to someone...even if it may be the love of charity and compassion. There is so much pain and suffering in the world...I think I need to help somehow. I get sad and a bit overwhelmed when I think of everything I see in the world.
The oil spill is horrible and will cause so much death to animal life as well as suffering to those that make their living from the ocean.
I feel selfish for doing little.
The homeless population as well as the unemployed here in Portland is more than I would have known while I was in Phoenix. I see so many hungry, lost and sad souls here. I know many are junkies as well...but no one is perfect. We all have our crutches...I just choose those that do not hinder my mental state.
I will continue searching for my place to help...I will find it.
Sometimes I think maybe I should give up on relationships and romance and dedicate myself to spiritual study and practice. I may enjoy that life more and suffer less.