Last post and right now

So I ended up running a fever and being sick for a couple of days...over it.

Right now I am feeling a bit of heartache over someone I should have stopped feeling heartache for quite some time ago...but there are those moments of intense craving that tear away at me like a junkie wanting more heroin. I miss her body...close to me...under me...around me...I miss the heat of her...her moans...I miss her being on top of me...she was the perfect lover and I need one of those in my life. I miss the feeling of a woman. Quite possibly, I may never have a lover like her again...and that is why I crave one so very much...I need a fix...I need proof. Oh to taste the sweet essence of passion again...the sweetest moments of ecstasy and wanton carnality.

and underneath it all...I miss the friendship...the closeness...the purity of two people who have done so many unpure things with one another or others even. I miss the moments of silence just being near one another...I even miss rubbing her feet and I am not a foot man...but she looked so happy in those moments. I remember that being the thing...the thing that I lose many hearts over...I want them to be happy with or without me...and obviously boo hoo poor me...it's usually without me...otherwise I would not be here alone reminiscing. It is of no bother though...because somehow...I really am happy she is not alone...that she smiles and fills another with the joy she has me. A woman like this cannot be held forever...she must be free, she is not to be tamed but wild like wind. She is not to be contained but instead unleashed as flames upon a forest engulfed by her ferocity and unbridled soul. A muse...she is a muse...and I will love her until my last breath...and lament often until that day, wishing over and over to have her once more.