Black

Such a good song from Pearl Jam...I still ache when I listen to it.
So my three day weekend...thus far Saturday was sleep until you cannot sleep any longer day. I was awake 3 hours, went back to bed and just now got up again. I think if I were not invited to a friends b-day party I would be back in bed. I'm still bitter to attend though as to every "friend" at this party never even said Happy Birthday to me on Wednesday...I suppose I should be happy they consider me at all. I have a collective of maybe 4 people that hang out with me now. Work people seem to fucking hate me now...guess that is what happens when you are the boss. So 7 years of friendships seem lost...fucking great. I hate money. I am slowly growing rotten to the ideal of being at my job and opt for easier times when I worked less and bitched about money while in the presence of many friends often.

Funny

It's great to know every one of your friends whom you have known for years forgets your birthday without a social network reminding them it's your fucking birthday. Real fucking classy guys. Even with the "reminder" I may have to forget too. Because really what the fuck is that about? Assholes.

Worst yet

So I spent my birthday at work...I had 4 happy birthdays from like a group of 14 people...lame. Then I worked so late that I missed calls from my sister and mother wishing me a Happy bday...no presents...no cake...nothing. I now get to go to bed early and get up at the ass crack of dawn for a hearing against a loser that lost his job because he deserved to...and he's fighting for unemployment...lame. Dear 38...you suck.

Side effects

So I've been feeling a bit faint today...guess it's what happens with food deprivation. I'm having a smoothie for dinner...easy ejection I hope. My throat hurts from the strain. I'm adding water to the equation I imagine it should help. I wish people couldn't hear through the bathroom walls...I feel like I eat too much at lunch too.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5.2

the sickness...it's in my head

Well it's been 2 weeks now...still purging. I guess I have a problem but it seems like I am finally losing some weight. I am buying a kettlebell weight set and some tapes soon. I hate seeing myself like this. I am serious and ready to change. I might stop buying groceries. I do not trust myself alone with food. If I don't eat at night I won't need to vomit. I cannot believe I am a 38 year old man...I sound like a teen-aged girl...well maybe not but I just don't fit my image. If people even knew what was going on in my head. Look like a thug...wish I were Dave Gahan...well except for the gay part...I love women far too much.

Bulimia

Do you think men can suffer from eating disorders? I may be starting to but I don't care. I am tired of being unacceptable and unwanted. So breakfast and lunch gets to stay...anything afterwards goes. I will not be okay with being big. I feel like I am just a small skip from obese and it scares me. I am going to start to work out too. I just don't think dinner is healthy for me anymore. If I have one it doesn't stay...period.