the sickness...it's in my head

Well it's been 2 weeks now...still purging. I guess I have a problem but it seems like I am finally losing some weight. I am buying a kettlebell weight set and some tapes soon. I hate seeing myself like this. I am serious and ready to change. I might stop buying groceries. I do not trust myself alone with food. If I don't eat at night I won't need to vomit. I cannot believe I am a 38 year old man...I sound like a teen-aged girl...well maybe not but I just don't fit my image. If people even knew what was going on in my head. Look like a thug...wish I were Dave Gahan...well except for the gay part...I love women far too much.